When I moved to Florida I was so ready to get to work.
After all, that is what I enjoy. Working. Moving. Doing.
In fact, if you ever see me sitting still the odds are that my spirit has gone on to Heaven, because to my knowledge sitting still hasn’t happened since before my parents conceived me.
I am a body in motion.
So I pace.
Even as a kid my first grade teacher taped me down to my chair because I would get up and walk around the classroom as soon as I was done with the work.
It has only grown since.
As an adult I don’t just get squirrelly. I have begun to build a lot of my identity based on my desire to do more.
Cue my move to Florida and Brady (my boss and pastor) encouraged me to take the first few days and simply rest… That may sound pleasant, after all I moved to Orlando, people shell out a lot of cash to come here to rest and get away.
What I didn’t expect though was how much simply being told to rest would make me feel worthless and purposeless. For those few days I truly struggled and it revealed an interesting lie I believed.
My identity is in what I DO, not in who I AM.
It may not sound all that bad to find my identity in value in my abilities and talents, after all athletes and business professionals do this all the time, but what happened to me was that for a few days I was told to not rely on my abilities or talents and simply exist and enjoy life, and it sucked.
It sucked because I was attached to my abilities to DO, but it woke me up to the possibility that one day I may not be able to DO those things and then where will I find my purpose?
So I began resting. Meditating on Scripture. Adventuring in prayer. Enjoying lying on the floor with a book. And my eyes began to open a bit to the realization that what I DO does not define me, but who I AM does. And the definer of who I am is not me but the Creator of the Universe.
God calls me His son. An ambassador for Him. Alive in Him. Without blame. Set Free. God’s workmanship. Loved.
Those are just a few of my definers laid out in Scripture, and if you are a follower of Jesus you are defined by those same attributes!
The most incredible part though is this isn’t based on what I could ever possibly do; it is based on what Jesus has already done. When He sacrificed Himself, He guaranteed the death of striving, exhaustion, and earning God’s love.
Changing the source of my identity wasn’t a lesson I learned quickly, in fact I learn it once a week when I take a day off and hand it over to God. But it is well worth it…
I still pace.
I still twirl a pen between my hands when I am sitting on the couch.
But I am learning to rest within the adventure of who God says I am.